Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Revelations about work and relationships

The other day when speaking to a friend, I made a startling discovery. Work is very much like a relationship.

No, not like being married to a career. Well, maybe.

Basically things about relationships can be applied to the job.  This is what I mean:

  • Part-time job -- That's like casual dating. You could have multiple part-time jobs, just like you could be seeing multiple people. Nothing permanent. Nothing substantial, and no strings attached.
  • Contract/temporary job -- It's semi-serious. What kids in school would call "going steady." You don't know if you will break up at the end of the school year or if you'll get married to them.
  • Full-time permanent job -- You're married. It's a commitment both on yours and their parts. They are invested in you just like you are invested in them.
  • Under the table -- C'mon, you're a cheater! 
  • Waiter/waitressing -- Strippers (both male and female!) Bring on the tips and champagne, baby!
  • Getting laid off -- Divorce, obviously. More than likely the other one made out better than you. If your job was outsourced, hey, they found someone younger and better looking than you.
  • Internship -- Just a summer fling! (Or dating when you weren't supposed to be because you were too young)
  • Career change -- Switching sides! :-o (or changing the type of people you date)
  • Unemployment -- You're single. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's not.
  • Interviews -- Oh you're such a flirt!
  • Searching for jobs -- Match.com anyone?
  • Living with your mom -- You're living with your mom.
One note about full-time permanent jobs. Back then, you started in a company and retired from them, never having been with another company. Just like marriage. Now, people get laid off so often, get new jobs so often. And the divorce rate is exorbitantly high. 

And because I can, I will further categorize the full-time permanent one to this:
  • Just a job -- We're not married; we've just been together for 17 years. We can't really commit.
  • It's my career! -- We're married and you're old. Thanks for being a cougar/sugar daddy! Gimme your money. Once you're dead, I'll find me another, better, richer one.
  • I hate my job -- I hate my husband / wife but I need their money. The sex might be OK if we actually have it.
  • I want a raise! -- Bring home more bacon!!
  • I want a promotion!/I've never had a promotion -- It's an abusive relationship. Get yourself out. Now now now.
  • Hipster's creed "just a job, but this is what I really do" -- We're married, but I'm secretly? gay and have a relationship on the side. I think the wife/husband knows, but they don't care. 
  • Those who we think have glamourous jobs (astronaut, wildlife photographer, celebrities) -- We think they have wonderful rainbow-coloured sexual lives and they live on Mt Olympus. In reality, they are going through the same thing we do. They may have put more work into it. Or are beautiful and charismatic.
This is in no part intended to be a factual representation.  I love bulleted lists! Don't you?

Note to future self: Bring home more bacon!!
Note to near-future self: We need more interviews! 

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