Thursday, January 15, 2015

Do you remember your first kiss?

Most people do. Most people were probably under 18 (maybe under 13 even) when they had their first kiss. I was in my 20s. 22? 23? I don't really remember.  That part doesn't matter. This story happened years ago.

The girl I was seeing was 18 at the time. We had met online in a chatroom a few months prior and hit it off really well.  I wanted to meet her, even though she lived with her mum. Her mum was against her meeting anyone from the internet, since the internet is full of creepy people. I'm definitely one of those (/s).

A few more months had passed after that, and I decided that I still wanted to meet her, and she wanted to meet me as well, more so than before. My birthday was coming up (I must have been turning 23), and figured that'd be a great opportunity to make a "random" weekend trip. That "random" somewhere was to be St. Thomas, Virgin Islands. Yes, that's where my gf (Julie) lived.   The island was pure bliss in terms of scenery. Water so crystal blue or sapphire, white sandy beaches, excellent weather that wasn't too hot or too humid. Yeah, it was incredible. It was my first time in the Caribbean. And it was the first time I'd seen the water this beautiful in a VERY LONG time. I decided it was a great idea. Even if I didn't get to meet her, I knew I'd still have a blast. I was not going to be disappointed.

I stayed at a hotel that I randomly picked online before coming. It was convenient but a bit further from the capital city. That's OK. They had snorkeling, wind sailing, and other activities at their private beach. The view from my room was incredible and overlooked their mini harbour.

Julie and I planned our covert meet operation: Julie and her best friend Candy would get dropped off at the main beach and I would meet them there. We met without issue. It was a bit awkward, but we hugged and officially introduced ourselves. Candy, Julie, and I hung out the full morning and afternoon at the beach. We stayed at one end, near the rocks, where a mongoose tried to eat our pizza. It was the first time I'd ever seen a wild mongoose before. I got distracted by pelicans who were swooping in and chilling out in the water right near us. Julie and I held onto each other for most of the time we were in the water, whether it was just holding hands or me picking her up or us hugging. The day went by pretty quickly and they had to leave.

I went back to my hotel and had dinner at the hotel restaurant. I decided to try fish for the first time in 15+ years. I had a Mahi Mahi steak, and it was delicious. This marked the day I would slowly reintroduce fish into my life again, mostly without my family knowing it (I was notorious for not ever eating fish).

Julie and I spoke on the phone, even with Candy being there with her. She said she missed me, and I, her. We chatted online, recounting our silliness hours before.  It started getting late. She and I talked some more on the phone. We joked that she should have kissed me goodbye, since it was the only time we were going to meet. She missed me and my hugs. My voice over the phone wasn't enough for her anymore. Not when we were this close. We decided to have another covert meet. That same night.

It was about 11p or midnight. I took a taxi to her apt complex. I waited outside at the pool across from her place. It was a beautiful night out. Not too hot, not too cold. A perfect night. She snuck out from her bedroom balcony door and met me at the pool. We hugged. We walked around the pool. I wanted to hop in but she advised against it because it'd be really cold; I still dipped my feet in to confirm the cold temp. I sat down on a pool lounge chair, and she sat in my lap.  I wrapped my arms around her and we talked. We talked again about the silly things we did earlier. We talked about her best friend, and I asked if Candy knew that she was out here with me. She told me yes and it was partially Candy's idea for us to meet again.  She was our guard for the night. We fell silent. I whispered in her ear that I wanted to kiss her. She was shy about it and was afraid to. Afraid of what it'd mean. It was going to be her 2nd kiss ever, but first as an 'adult'. First with another girl. She was was I. I asked if she wanted to kiss me and she nodded, but when I asked if I could, she turned her head away saying 'not now.' We talked for a bit. She started getting a bit cold so I wrapped my arms around her, rubbing her to keep her warm. She nuzzled against me. I gently kissed her neck. She sighed and relaxed a bit. I kissed her neck again, and she opened it up for me to continue. I kept placing kisses along her neck, ear, jaw; she held me tighter. I inched closer to her cheek but stopped. She turned her head towards me and we kissed. It was gentle and a bit chaste. I pulled back a little before kissing her again. This time, it was like the floodgates opened; sparks flew between us. We kissed for what seemed like an eternity. After we caught our breath, we giggled about it before kissing again. We continued until Candy opened up the balcony door, alerting Julie. We had to stop. She had to leave again. I'm pretty sure we were both glowing. It was the perfect night.

Reluctantly we let go of each other, and she went back inside. I called for a taxi and went back to my hotel.

The rest of the trip, I enjoyed myself on the island, going snorkeling and jet skiing and hanging out with the wild iguanas. And that next night, we spoke on the phone, missing each other's lips and touches. I didn't get to see her before flying home, but I vowed to come back and see her again.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Wrapping up all things 2012

Good evening everyone.

It's been.... 1 year and 2 months since I last updated this blog. I don't think I have any readers, so... Good evening, myself. How are you? How's life treating you? So much has changed since I last wrote on here. So much.

Much like the last post recapping the months that had gone by, I'll write a new list again.

But before I do, just want to reflect where I was 1.5+ years ago when I first started this blog. It was meant to serve as a way for me to "drain, focus, and dispel" any thoughts I was having. At that time in my life, I was most definitely in a bad place.  I had fallen "in love" / obsession with someone that was ultimately very wrong for me. It became toxic, and it consumed me completely.  I was jobless, loveless, and most definitely depressed.  My way of coping was to write, seek help of a friend who's a psychiatrist, and become more active with my life. Each of these had changed me in some way. And the Oct 2011 post found here reflects those changes. I wrote less (because I didn't need to focus my energy that way), I became more active, and I sought help.  Since then, it's been over a year. And much has happened indeed.

The Love Life -- What? Who knew I'd have one!

  • Winter (Jan / Feb) - Admittedly I can't remember much. I started talking to a gamer friend's at-the-time-online-gf to get to know her and see if she was a good fit for my friend. She was cool and very friendly. When they got into arguments, my friend, Jane, would ask me for advice. I'd do my best to keep them together since they seemed happy when they were.  Unfortunately they broke up sometime around March...
  • Mid-winter and early Spring (Mar / Apr) - The now-ex, whom we shall call Sammy, and I continued to talk. I also continued to talk with my friend. It was a shame they couldn't be together, but ultimately they weren't for each other.  We all still played the game together though. Sammy and I became close, but due to our age difference and the "bro code" I couldn't think of her any more than just as a friend. But...Mutual feelings started to develop. By end of April we knew that we liked each other.
  • May - Sammy and my covert relationship was budding. I was really falling for her. We felt bad because we broke all sorts of the "bro code," even though this was just an online relationship. Sammy was never a fan of long-distance relationships because of the hardships of keeping things fresh and real. But, we'd spend so much time together on the phone or by text. We'd fall asleep on the phone together so many nights at a time. I tried to refuse my feelings for her thru all this. I didn't want to fall in love again. I didn't want to be broken-hearted and dive into a depression like I had previously. I was afraid of relationships. But I was falling hard. By the end of the month we both said the big words "I love you," and made our relationship official.
  • June - We had told Jane about the relationship, asking if it was OK. Jane said yes and that she didn't care since she was trying to get back with her on/off ex. God, this sounds like a teen-drama. This makes me sound like an asshole, but that ex also was my ex (the toxic one, in a very secret and short-lived relationship).  No, I didn't steal Sammy or that ex from Jane. No, I didn't pursue them because they were (at one point) with Jane. The ex ended up pursuing me; Sammy's and mine was mutual happenstance.  Regardless. Jane decided, after a while, that she no longer wanted to associate herself with me. In fact, she'd be more than happy if I prolly dropped dead. In her mind, she was convinced that I stole Sammy from her.  And yet she continually spoke with Sammy, not-so-secretly trying to win her back.
  • Summer (Jul / Aug) - The summer was spent with Sammy. We talked just about every day - for her drive to work, for our drive home from our work. At night before bed. Just about every day we spoke with each other. And during the times we didn't, we texted or played our game together. We talked about what our future would be like together. We had similar backgrounds and similar family situations. Call it naïveté, call it what you will.  We spoke of the future a lot. We spoke about potentially meeting for Christmas and New Years. To be able to kiss each other when the ball dropped. I was getting more and more attached.  I told her I wanted to meet her. She only lived a few hrs away from my sister. I could use that as an excuse and visit. If only she'd say OK. She eventually did. The trip was planned for September.
  • September - The month flew by quickly. The trip to visit Sammy was scheduled for the end of the month.  I visited her for 4 days, and they were the best days I've had in a long time. She actually met my sister (we drove up to visit her during one of the days), and it went exceedingly well. Things looked great. I had met someone I could be completely comfortable with. It was a first for me. Here was this beautiful woman who was in love with me for who I was and for how I looked. I never thought it was possible. I thought I'd have found the one. This trip was amazing. I didn't want to leave. But I had to come home. 
  • October - And then October happened. After I left, she started to hang out with her friends more often and stayed busy socially. We slowly stopped talking on the phone as much. We texted a lot less often. I got confused and didn't know why this was happening. She said it was because she's been having a very active social life and hasn't been sleeping at home lately.  She said she needed space. She needed space. Because 2000 miles wasn't enough.  I tried to understand.  Everyone was on her side, telling me to give her the space she needed. But you know what? "I need space" just means I automatically build my wall and start protecting myself. How could I leave my guard down? Here she was having fun and I was home trying to get thru the day missing her a lot. The first few weeks of October were the worst for me.  I couldn't understand how an amazing trip flipped upside down and having a conversation with Sammy saying she needed more space.  Around then my work schedule had me busy so my drives consisted of me crying on my way to and from work just about every day.  At my worst, I thought Sammy was with someone else, that the other person caught her eye and she wanted to kind of see how that played out instead.  But every indication said she wasn't, and she was honest if anything. Maybe not tactful, but she was honest. By the end of the month, I  told her how she wasn't ever around, and she knew she wasn't. By then, things were broken for me.
  • November - Some time in this month we called it quits. It was mostly mutual. We still had strong feelings for each other. Maybe not love per se, but we did have feelings. We didn't talk as much though. She said she wanted to get her life together. Be able to get a (better) job and move out of the house and away from her overbearing father.  She would always text me when she was lonely at home or stuck having to deal with her father.  We would occasionally talk on the phone.  Her best friend said that she still loves me, that tho she doesn't show it, she still had pictures of us on her phone and iPod. She mentioned that she felt like she couldn't live up to my expectations. I told her the only one I wanted was for us to be together. Maybe the weight of it was something she couldn't handle.
  • December - We've been talking a bit more than before. For a while, we'd almost talk every day, much like before. I asked if we would ever get back together. She said right now, no, but in the future, maybe. It's definitely love for each other. Definitely not "in love" like before.  Occasionally she'll blurt out an "I love you," and it still makes my heart feel like its high as a kite.  I definitely haven't gotten over her. And tho she's not perfect, and I'll be completely selfish by saying this, she made me feel like me. I could let down all my guards with her, and I miss that the most. Just the fact that there was someone that accepted me and saw me for who I was and was IN LOVE with me. Yeah, I miss that. I miss holding her. I miss how she said my name. How she'd make me giggle and laugh. I miss her breathing.  I miss her even now.  Is it bad for me to not want to let that go?  Christmas and New Years alone. Again.

OK, let me take a breather here.

The Work Life -- Ugh, work.

  • The First Half (Jan - May) - Work was work. I had a go-to group of people I could each lunch with. Things weren't bad, but I was bored. Then I became an Assistant Test Director (ATD) to a huge and upcoming project near the end of May.
  • Summer (Jun - Sept) - My life as ATD was pretty boring. There wasn't much to be done at the time except for some late night testing sessions. Had a couple of new employees start that were around my age. They weren't married and didn't have children. I could relate a bit better with them. Started hanging out with them (at work) more frequently than my "usual" group.  
  • October - Heavier testing started around here. The major test for the project was pushed back to November, affecting everyone's projects.  People scrambling. I'm mostly unaffected since my mind is elsewhere (on Sammy).  As ATD I help represent the project coordination team, so I'm at a lot of early morning or late night testing sessions. It helps keep me busy.  Dress rehearsal for the major testing are the last 2 weeks of October, including a last-minute Saturday session.
  • November - Pretty much the entire month was dedicated to this testing, tho normally it should have only taken 2 wks (the holiday in the middle didn't help much). We also had a downsizing in workforce, so the team was stretched thin. Everyone was putting in the extra effort.  My days were long, pushing close to 11 hr days consistently (tack on the 2 hrs of commute time on top). It kept my mind off Sammy for sure.  I was exhausted, but I worked hard every day. The holidays were a nice change in pace.  The team found out that a huge 50-hr test was supposed to be run by us rather than another contractor. We scrambled again to create teams to tackle the 50 hrs in different shifts. I volunteered for the night shift since I had no family obligations.  For those days/shifts, I fully directed all testing and made the important decisions.  I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING. But dangit, I did it to the best of my ability.
  • December - Testing for the project was completed. Now data analysis, which isn't so bad except it's been a long time since I last did any (beginning of the year during some down-time, for practice).  I've been chosen as Test Director for another project. At least I'm moving up in the world! But the politics of work are getting to me. My best friend said that with my job history I could potentially get jobs at Google/Apple (my dream jobs?) and that she knew a recruiter from Google. Sadly the recruiter never contacted me back. That didn't stop me. I applied to Google, and I got a letter from a recruiter but the phone discussion never happened.  I don't know if it will. I also applied (on a whim) to a job posted on craigslist, closer to home. I had a phone discussion that went well, I think. The interview is scheduled for next year. I'm slightly excited for this. Even if I don't get this position, I'll continue to apply to various places. 

The Social Life -- Even I have one sometimes.

  • Winter (Jan / Feb) - Wow, I can't think of what I may have done during this time!? I may have hung out with Ezra once during this time.
  • March - I went to Germany to my sister's friend's wedding. Didn't go alone. Went with my sister's best friend and her younger sister (Jen and Carly). I should really say that they are also my buddies, but really, they are my sister's friends first and foremost. It was a weekend whirlwind trip which was very very exciting.  TBH it was perfect for me, since I wanted to see the mountains and a picturesque scenery (with lake and snow capped mountain). I found it at Neuschwanstein Castle in southern Germany. We visited Nuremberg, where we stayed, Munich, and Dachau Concentration Camp.  I was the rock in the group, calming the frayed nerves of the two sisters who ended up causing each other anxiety.  Nothing like being a peacemaker. The wedding was a gorgeous one held in a castle and beautiful church. The ceremony, the reception, everything was simply perfect. Definitely a superb trip!
  • Spring (Apr / May) - Sad that nothing really pops out in my mind.
  • Summer (Jun - Aug) - My best friend came to visit in July. I took her out on a "date." I called it a "trial date" because at the time, if Sammy were to visit, I'd want to do this as a real 1st date with her. What was that date?  Going to a local lake for a canoe ride (ended up rowboat since my best friend was afraid of boats lol) and then go go-karting at this awesome place. Overall it was an awesome time, and we had a lot of fun!  I also hung out with my car buddy and his fiancee and new little pup.
  • September - Well, I visited Sammy, and the weekend after my best friend came to visit again.  I told her everything, and I'm pretty sure I was still glowing at the time. All was still well in my world. My best friend and I went go-karting again. She needed redemption for her paltry performance on her first attempt. 
  • October - Participated in the local city's Restaurant Week! Went with Jen and Carly and friends to Fogo de Chao, a Brazilian churasco/BBQ place. THAT was delicious! Then there was also a small street fair where I got to walk around and pet other people's dogs a lot and not pay attention to the actual art and craft things on display. After that, hung out with my car buddy and his now-wife (they got married) and got to see beautiful pics of Ireland from their honeymoon. Of course soon after was the Halloween party where I dressed up as a creepy ex-tennis player where my catch phrase was "Hey there, wanna play with my balls?" (with 2 tennis balls).  During this time, Carly, the younger sister, was having some mental health issues so I was kind of on standby for her. I'd spend days at her house, just to make sure she wasn't lonely. It helped me as well because of the stuff happening with Sammy at the time. It was good for me to get out of the house as well. In a way it helped me stop crying as much for my drives to/from work and come to terms with this "I need space" business.  And then Hurricane Sandy (FrankenSandy as I refer to her as) happened. I was with Carly at the time, and good thing too. She was a bundle of anxiety during that time.  We walked around her apt building, going to the penthouse and checking out how bad the storm was, seeing transformers blow on towers (and causing the sky to light up green), and watching for any leaks in the ceiling.
  • November - Went with Jen and Carly to a small "hipster" like town with their friend for some walking around. Ventured into this  church-turned-restaurant that featured creole cooking and my goodness was that delicious!  Thanksgiving came around and my sister was back in town for the while. Things were kept low key for my family. 
  • December - Ahh, when things are going somewhat well for my year, why does December let me down so much? All my plans have continually fallen through. I invited one of my coworkers over to watch some Lord of the Rings, and twice she called to say no kind of last moment. To be fair, she lives about an hr away at least.  Plans to watch The Hobbit with Carly also fell thru when she found out she had class. I still went on my own though. And it was AMAZING in 3D HFR! So realistic!! So crisp and beautiful!!!!  I also wanted to do a trip with maybe Jen and Carly to VT but those plans fell flat on their face. So instead I'm going to work since I guess I'd rather be working than using my vacation days to just sit at home and sulk.  And of course, no plans for NYE either. Except the usual family thing.  Just once, I'd like to be able to spend it with a special someone. Ah well.

The .... Life -- In general. Everything else I missed.

  • Winter and Spring (Jan - Apr) - Really, nothing to report here that I haven't mentioned above. I had started going back to Muay Thai classes, aiming for 1x a wk. (By the end of last year, I had stopped going almost completely.)  By mid-March, because of the Germany trip, I stopped going again.  Back in December, Smoochie, the black cat, was diagnosed with pancreatic enzyme deficiency. Means his pancreas couldn't create the enzyme needed to breakdown food. He had lost something like 5 lbs in 3 months with untreatable diarrhea. A random and off-chance blood screen for this problem proved that he had this. So for the rest of his life he has to take some pancrease with his food.
  • May - I ended up quitting Muay Thai. Although I loved the discipline and the coaches and staff, I couldn't afford it. The reason being was that I started seeing a therapist and couldn't really afford both. For all my issues. Muay Thai wasn't solving my problems the way I wanted it to. I wanted to be more socially active, and I wanted to sort things out about myself.  A while ago Ezra had mentioned the city's LGBT center with therapists, so I decided that it was something I needed to do. Except that center was so overbooked until June or July that I had to find another therapist. Good thing too because the one I found was amazing and very local.  I started seeing her weekly, talking to her about any and all issues, issues that I thought weren't major that ended up being significantly major in my life. Finally come to terms about my gender dysphoria and sexuality.  She casually pushes me to seek more friends / make new friends.
  • Summer (Jun - Sept) - My one cat, Smoochie, had started gaining back the weight he lost, but then suddenly he started dropping weight again. He didn't want to eat as much as before, and he didn't have diarrhea. He became lethargic and listless. I took him to the vet and since the blood work was negative, got an ultrasound done on his abdomen. His liver and lymph nodes were inflamed. Smoochie most likely has lymphoma. Now Smoochie is my sister's cat so she was in a huge fit about this since she missed him dearly.  My sister flew home to be with Smoochie and, if needed, put him down if he was suffering. We put him on some Prednizone (a steroid) to increase his appetite and give him some pep. It worked instantaneously and he regained his appetite. We opted not to do a biopsy to confirm/negate the potential for him having lymphoma. For what? He would be dead within 6 months of any treatment regardless.  My vet calmed my sister down from her panicked hysteria of potentially having to put Smoochie down, saying that if the Prednizone works and his quality of life can remain above normal, it'd be OK to keep him on the medicine. She agreed.  In the meantime, therapy sessions are going well. Therapist wants me to be more active, since activity helps release endorphins and will keep me from diving into depression. 
  • October - Therapist is well versed in what's been going on with Sammy and myself. Totally understands how I feel, tho at the beginning she also agreed to give Sammy the space she wanted.  Didn't really understand that I wall-up. I try my best to give Sammy the space she needs, and with the social life I was having, it was working somewhat OK. Sammy's need for space and acting iffy on relationships in general is her being younger and not really knowing what she wants.  A lot of my dreams have me running in them. Since my dreams are generally about things that I don't have in my life, I decide to get me running shoes and start running. Maybe that's what my body has been craving. So I buy my first real pair of running shoes. And I start running/walking.
  • November - I try to run/walk as often as possible. I've gotten back into Zombies, Run! mobile app, which has made things a lot more interesting for me. I've completed season 1 and can't wait for season 2!  My best time has been around a 15 min mile. Yes, I am not a runner. But I'd like to get a 12 min mile in eventually.  I really want to move. My car is taking a beating with the drive to/from work. I've been getting up earlier everyday so I can drive thru the city with less traffic and only a 45min commute. The drive home is still unbearable.
  • December - Got the Zombies 5k mobile app, which is the couch to 5k program featuring the folks from Zombies, Run! I've completed week 1, but admittedly have been slacking. I'm trying to walk as often as I can, even if it's every other day. Trying to keep as active as possible.  Applying to various places, and at this point, I don't care where I end up. I kind of want to live in a city, where the possibility of meeting other gay people are higher than in the suburbs.  I need more money to fix my car properly.  Or a job where I won't need a car at all.  I am ready for significant changes in ALL aspects of my life. 
Overall 2012 has been a good year, tho it's ending a bit on a sour note. But I suppose that means that 2013 will start much better and with a bang. 

Whether Sammy and I get back together, who knows. She's an amazing young lady, regardless of what happens, and I wish nothing but the best for her. I'm just going to enjoy the time I DO get to spend with her.  And whether or not I get the job for either positions I've applied for, we'll see. I'll just be honest with myself and try not to give excuses for my actions.  All I can do now is work on myself. Work on changing what I can change and taking charge of my life. I'll do my best to be more active by running/walking more often, regardless of weather or simple excuses I can hide behind. In the last days of this year I want to do my best to give myself a headstart. I know I could use one. Time to make one for myself!

Note to self: Give yourself props for going for a run/walk today. Even if you bellyflopped the pavement.
Note to future self: I've lost some weight at this point in life. Have you continued this trend?

Monday, October 10, 2011

From ALL the orifices!

OK, it's been a bazillion months since I last updated.  What have I been doing? Where have I been?

(On a side note, a wonderful short story by Joyce Carol Oates, "Where are you going, where have you been?" is a wonderful and creepy read.)

So let us recap quickly!


  • FINALLY GOT A JOB WOOO. I get to push buttons and get paid! Hurray! (Only downside is the 1 hr long commute. Gosh, driving can be boring.)


  • Went to visit a friend from my old alma mater!  I haven't seen him in AGES.  Like,... about 5 years or so. LOL. It was great to see him, his new beau (well, not new, but new to me), and his awesome house that he's fixing up.  What a great weekend overall! I do miss NYState so much. So beautiful.
  • JOINED A GYM. Good grief, yeah. I joined a gym for a class. Muay Thai class. YEAH I WILL KICK BUTT AND TAKE NAMES.


  • Made me a new buddy from OkCupid! Her name is Ezra* and she is a redhead.  I hang out every few weekends or so with her, her SO, and their DJ friends.  I have been to more shows over the summer than I have in the past 5 years. 
  • My sister came to visit! Hurrah, we spend birthday time with her and we buy ourselves some new toys! A new iPad 2 for me and a new MBP for her! :D :D 


  • Mmmm I can't really recall if anything spectacular has happened? So let's move on!


  • I can't think of anything here either!!
  • Yes, I am still taking my Muay Thai classes,... but I admit, I am not going as frequently as I should! D: 


  • This month just started and it's already busy!  I went to Pennhurst Haunted Asylum, which is FREAKING AWESOME.  It was cold and rainy, but soooo worth it. Even if I did lose the group I went with. At least I was warmly welcomed into a group of 13 yr old boys.  I'm sure pedobear** would be proud LOLOLOL.
  • Worked on my Halloween costume! :D 
  • Made me another new buddy! Her name is Ezra, and she is a redhead! Yes, another one. Yes, also from OkCupid. Haha, my luck, right?  She brought me over some choco chip banana muffins when...
  • I got sick. Really sick. I mean, mucus everywhere, snot flying, coughing, sneezing, aching, crying sick.  Managed to give myself a mild case of pink eye(s), most likely from rubbing my nose then stupidly rubbing my eyes afterwards. Also have an ear infection, too.  So to recap, pink eye in both my eyes means mucus coming out my eyes, my ear is infected, my throat is sore and clogged up, my nose is all sorts of runny with even more mucus, and my cough is very productive! Hurray for mucus! ....NO. NOOOOOOOOPE. Do not want. So I am drugged up now and happy that I can finally potentially get a decent amount of sleep tonight!  Yay for codeine!

All in all, my life has been good. Not great, not awesome, not very good either, just good. But definitely a hella lot better than before. And if this is just the stepping stone to awesomeness, then so be it!!!!! I hope it is!!!  It's my life, and I must participate in it fully, right? Here I am, trying to participate!!!

Note to self:  Should have eaten that before it melted into a pile of goo.
Note to future self: You should eat that before it melts.

* Yeah, it's obviously not Ezra, but I am not one to call out people's names on here.
** Important disclaimer: Pedobear is an internet meme. In no way shape or form should it used to denote that it is pro-pedophilia. That's just disgusting.  Pedobear serves to mock people being creepy. People who don't understand internet memes often do not understand the many "jokes" and "trolls" of internet savants, and assume incorrectly that he symbolizes pedophiles or something stupid like that. Do your research.  His appearance is the equivalent of CEILING CAT. If you don't get it still, then replace Pedobear with Ceiling Cat and re-read everything. :)

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

A moment of pure happiness.

Years ago, I had found it.

I was in an aquarium at the walrus enclosure.  There were a couple of them swimming around, and this was the lower section, where we could watch them swim (instead of the upper level where we saw them lounge).

I walked up to the glass. One walrus came up to me. It pressed its face against the glass and started to whistle.  I tilted my head and watched it.  The whistle was clear and distinct, echoing through the room. Piiiiiiii.

I slowly moved to my left. It followed me.  Piiiiiii...

I leaned lower to the ground. It followed me.  Piiiiii...

I stood upright and moved to my right.  It followed me.  Piiiiii...

I love you, my dear friend, the whistling walrus! I hope you have a good life. I miss you and the one moment we shared.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Cat silliness

Yes, another post about my cats.

I haven't written much. As usual, I've found myself starting some posts and ...possibly never finishing them.  They have entered the purgatory of blog posts. Unfinished drafts. But anyway! This one is finished!! (Shoddily written.)

Today's post will be dedicated to my cats, Smoochie and Moo. They are quite silly as far as cats go.

Now as pet owner, you may have realized that your pets like to join you in the bathroom. After all, its the best time for them to get your undivided attention!  My cats take it one step further...

First up is Moo. Now, whenever I'm in the bathroom, I tend to close the door, but never all the way.  Why? Because this way my cats can just barge in whenever they please. Smoochie will generally just headbutt his way into the bathroom.

In Moo's case, she's very discrete.  She will extend her paw out and shake it furiously.  Once this easily-understandable action of saying Hello! is complete, she will then nudge her nose thru the crack and slowly peek in.  If I am still going about my business in the bathroom and don't look like I am close to being finished, she will then hop into the room quickly and proceed to go to the water bowl, demanding for fresh water.  Of which I oblige her with in the morning.

And then there's good ol' Smoochie. Now, he does enjoy going to the bathroom and making quite a mess of the kitty litter. No, he doesn't kick it all over the place. He stands inside the litterbox and swats around the litter that's on the floor in front of it. My sister says it's because she's OCD with cleaning the floor around the box that he's mimicking her actions.  MAYBE.  Except he's not helping clean, but making more of a mess!

As long as if he's happy right? Well, the other day I caught him prancing out of the litter box (yes, he prances out), proceeding to walk out the door as usual. But instead of walking out of the door, he instead walked to my towel that was hanging and WIPED HIS PAW ON IT. -.- What? Yeah, you heard me right. He wanted to clean his dirty paw on my towel!  When I exclaimed out loud, he looked at me as if to say "What, you wipe your hands after touching my litter. Why can't I?" ...How do I argue this? 

At least I wash my hands first!

Note to near-future self: Record this and upload to Youtube.
Note to future self: Step 3. ???? Step 4. Profit!

Friday, April 8, 2011

Where have you gone?

Seriously, where have you gone?
Where have you been?
What have you done?
Would you recognize me if you saw me?
Would I recognize you?
Would you acknowledge our past?
Or dismiss it like you always have?
Have you forgotten about me?
Will I forget about you?

Note to future self: Have I forgotten?
Note to near-future self: Will I forget?

Monday, March 21, 2011

Roasted Vegetables.

OK, first of all, let's get one thing straight.


I like my steak, my chicken, my bacon. Land-dwelling animal? Most likely I will eat it. Admittedly, not a fan of turkey unless it's Thanksgiving.  Yeah, I like my starchy products, too.  Well, I'm just a fan of food in general.  If it tastes good, I will like it.

That being said, I should note that I don't eat as much vegetables and fruits as I probably should. The food pyramid is wrong.  You know, starches on the bottom, oil/fat at the top, everything else kind of in the middle. Nowadays, people are pushing for more veggies and fruits, less of meat, cheese, and bread. In my case, my food pyramid looks like this:

Get the point?

A lot of my friends are becoming vegetarian. I can't do it. Quite simply, I love steak too much.  A nice prime rib with au jus and horseradish sauce? Mmmm. Filet mignon, medium-rare with sautéed onions and mushrooms and garlic in a red wine reduction? Delicious!

But I digress.

Instead, today I will talk about my attempt at roasting vegetables in an effort to actually increase my vegetable intake.  Actually, it will be a how-to guide to roasting vegetables, my way. (i.e. Lots of pictures!)


  • Yellow Squash - 3x (about 6 inches long each)
  • Asparagus - Bunch (the skinny kind is what I used)
  • Red Onion - 1x (medium to large size)
  • Extra virgin olive oil - EVOO!!
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Minced Garlic

Preheat oven to 400˚ F.

On a roasting pan, put foil down. In my case, I used a cookie sheet with 1 strip of foil.  

Snap the butt-ends of the asparagus off. You can use your fingers or you can use a knife. (Use only half the asparagus in the bunch.)

Cut the squash down the center, then down the center, then dice into 1cm (~1/2 inch) chunks.

Cut ends off of onion and peel first layer off.

Cut in half, then cut across, then cut at an angle so each segment is about 1-2 cm (~1/2 to 1 inch) wide at the center. (Use only half)

Place all veggies in colander and rinse.

In large bowl, pour some EVOO in (~2 tbsp), about 2 pinches of salt, and grind up that pepper (I like a lot of pepper).

Toss with your fingers/hand the squash and onions to coat all the pieces equally.

Pour veggies onto foil.

Put aspragus on other side.

Drizzle EVOO over asparagus, sprinkle lightly with salt, grind the pepper, and add a dollop or 2 of minced garlic.

Roll the asparagus around on the foil to fully coat with garlic and such.

Put in oven for 10 minutes.

Clean up kitchen.

Realize that you have no hot water running.

Go to the basement and check your water heater.

Call Dad up to find out that he's not home.


Call water heater company and have them walk you through turning unit off, then on and seeing if the gas lights up again.

Corral the cats out of the water closet (haha, WC).

Realize that more than 10 minutes have passed and run back upstairs.

Check on veggies and pull out of oven.

Voila! Food is done!!

Serve yourself a nice tall glass of chocolate milk and enjoy the veggies!

Be happy to know that as homeowner, you have averted just one small crisis. (Also explains why I had to take a semi-cold shower this morning. Sigh. -.- )

For my part, the veggies turned out edible and kind of good. The asparagus was slightly overcooked. I will prolly just boil them next time.  But the squash and onions were good.

For dessert, I had a bowl of chocolate pudding and some very tart strawberries.

Note to future self: Eat more veggies.
Note to near-future self: Put the heat on...