Do you remember your first kiss?

Most people do. Most people were probably under 18 (maybe under 13 even) when they had their first kiss. I was in my 20s. 22? 23? I don't really remember.  That part doesn't matter. This story happened years ago.

The girl I was seeing was 18 at the time. We had met online in a chatroom a few months prior and hit it off really well.  I wanted to meet her, even though she lived with her mum. Her mum was against her meeting anyone from the internet, since the internet is full of creepy people. I'm definitely one of those (/s).

A few more months had passed after that, and I decided that I still wanted to meet her, and she wanted to meet me as well, more so than before. My birthday was coming up (I must have been turning 23), and figured that'd be a great opportunity to make a "random" weekend trip. That "random" somewhere was to be St. Thomas, Virgin Islands. Yes, that's where my gf (Julie) lived.   The island was pure bliss in terms of scenery. Water so crystal blue or sapphire, white sandy beaches, excellent weather that wasn't too hot or too humid. Yeah, it was incredible. It was my first time in the Caribbean. And it was the first time I'd seen the water this beautiful in a VERY LONG time. I decided it was a great idea. Even if I didn't get to meet her, I knew I'd still have a blast. I was not going to be disappointed.

I stayed at a hotel that I randomly picked online before coming. It was convenient but a bit further from the capital city. That's OK. They had snorkeling, wind sailing, and other activities at their private beach. The view from my room was incredible and overlooked their mini harbour.

Julie and I planned our covert meet operation: Julie and her best friend Candy would get dropped off at the main beach and I would meet them there. We met without issue. It was a bit awkward, but we hugged and officially introduced ourselves. Candy, Julie, and I hung out the full morning and afternoon at the beach. We stayed at one end, near the rocks, where a mongoose tried to eat our pizza. It was the first time I'd ever seen a wild mongoose before. I got distracted by pelicans who were swooping in and chilling out in the water right near us. Julie and I held onto each other for most of the time we were in the water, whether it was just holding hands or me picking her up or us hugging. The day went by pretty quickly and they had to leave.

I went back to my hotel and had dinner at the hotel restaurant. I decided to try fish for the first time in 15+ years. I had a Mahi Mahi steak, and it was delicious. This marked the day I would slowly reintroduce fish into my life again, mostly without my family knowing it (I was notorious for not ever eating fish).

Julie and I spoke on the phone, even with Candy being there with her. She said she missed me, and I, her. We chatted online, recounting our silliness hours before.  It started getting late. She and I talked some more on the phone. We joked that she should have kissed me goodbye, since it was the only time we were going to meet. She missed me and my hugs. My voice over the phone wasn't enough for her anymore. Not when we were this close. We decided to have another covert meet. That same night.

It was about 11p or midnight. I took a taxi to her apt complex. I waited outside at the pool across from her place. It was a beautiful night out. Not too hot, not too cold. A perfect night. She snuck out from her bedroom balcony door and met me at the pool. We hugged. We walked around the pool. I wanted to hop in but she advised against it because it'd be really cold; I still dipped my feet in to confirm the cold temp. I sat down on a pool lounge chair, and she sat in my lap.  I wrapped my arms around her and we talked. We talked again about the silly things we did earlier. We talked about her best friend, and I asked if Candy knew that she was out here with me. She told me yes and it was partially Candy's idea for us to meet again.  She was our guard for the night. We fell silent. I whispered in her ear that I wanted to kiss her. She was shy about it and was afraid to. Afraid of what it'd mean. It was going to be her 2nd kiss ever, but first as an 'adult'. First with another girl. She was nervous...so was I. I asked if she wanted to kiss me and she nodded, but when I asked if I could, she turned her head away saying 'not now.' We talked for a bit. She started getting a bit cold so I wrapped my arms around her, rubbing her to keep her warm. She nuzzled against me. I gently kissed her neck. She sighed and relaxed a bit. I kissed her neck again, and she opened it up for me to continue. I kept placing kisses along her neck, ear, jaw; she held me tighter. I inched closer to her cheek but stopped. She turned her head towards me and we kissed. It was gentle and a bit chaste. I pulled back a little before kissing her again. This time, it was like the floodgates opened; sparks flew between us. We kissed for what seemed like an eternity. After we caught our breath, we giggled about it before kissing again. We continued until Candy opened up the balcony door, alerting Julie. We had to stop. She had to leave again. I'm pretty sure we were both glowing. It was the perfect night.

Reluctantly we let go of each other, and she went back inside. I called for a taxi and went back to my hotel.

The rest of the trip, I enjoyed myself on the island, going snorkeling and jet skiing and hanging out with the wild iguanas. And that next night, we spoke on the phone, missing each other's lips and touches. I didn't get to see her before flying home, but I vowed to come back and see her again.

Wrapping up all things 2012

Good evening everyone.

It's been.... 1 year and 2 months since I last updated this blog. I don't think I have any readers, so... Good evening, myself. How are you? How's life treating you? So much has changed since I last wrote on here. So much.

Much like the last post recapping the months that had gone by, I'll write a new list again.

But before I do, just want to reflect where I was 1.5+ years ago when I first started this blog. It was meant to serve as a way for me to "drain, focus, and dispel" any thoughts I was having. At that time in my life, I was most definitely in a bad place.  I had fallen "in love" / obsession with someone that was ultimately very wrong for me. It became toxic, and it consumed me completely.  I was jobless, loveless, and most definitely depressed.  My way of coping was to write, seek help of a friend who's a psychiatrist, and become more active with my life. Each of these had changed me in some way. And the Oct 2011 post found here reflects those changes. I wrote less (because I didn't need to focus my energy that way), I became more active, and I sought help.  Since then, it's been over a year. And much has happened indeed.

The Love Life -- What? Who knew I'd have one!

• Winter (Jan / Feb) - Admittedly I can't remember much. I started talking to a gamer friend's at-the-time-online-gf to get to know her and see if she was a good fit for my friend. She was cool and very friendly. When they got into arguments, my friend, Jane, would ask me for advice. I'd do my best to keep them together since they seemed happy when they were.  Unfortunately they broke up sometime around March...
• Mid-winter and early Spring (Mar / Apr) - The now-ex, whom we shall call Sammy, and I continued to talk. I also continued to talk with my friend. It was a shame they couldn't be together, but ultimately they weren't for each other.  We all still played the game together though. Sammy and I became close, but due to our age difference and the "bro code" I couldn't think of her any more than just as a friend. But...Mutual feelings started to develop. By end of April we knew that we liked each other.
• May - Sammy and my covert relationship was budding. I was really falling for her. We felt bad because we broke all sorts of the "bro code," even though this was just an online relationship. Sammy was never a fan of long-distance relationships because of the hardships of keeping things fresh and real. But, we'd spend so much time together on the phone or by text. We'd fall asleep on the phone together so many nights at a time. I tried to refuse my feelings for her thru all this. I didn't want to fall in love again. I didn't want to be broken-hearted and dive into a depression like I had previously. I was afraid of relationships. But I was falling hard. By the end of the month we both said the big words "I love you," and made our relationship official.
• June - We had told Jane about the relationship, asking if it was OK. Jane said yes and that she didn't care since she was trying to get back with her on/off ex. God, this sounds like a teen-drama. This makes me sound like an asshole, but that ex also was my ex (the toxic one, in a very secret and short-lived relationship).  No, I didn't steal Sammy or that ex from Jane. No, I didn't pursue them because they were (at one point) with Jane. The ex ended up pursuing me; Sammy's and mine was mutual happenstance.  Regardless. Jane decided, after a while, that she no longer wanted to associate herself with me. In fact, she'd be more than happy if I prolly dropped dead. In her mind, she was convinced that I stole Sammy from her.  And yet she continually spoke with Sammy, not-so-secretly trying to win her back.
• Summer (Jul / Aug) - The summer was spent with Sammy. We talked just about every day - for her drive to work, for our drive home from our work. At night before bed. Just about every day we spoke with each other. And during the times we didn't, we texted or played our game together. We talked about what our future would be like together. We had similar backgrounds and similar family situations. Call it naïveté, call it what you will.  We spoke of the future a lot. We spoke about potentially meeting for Christmas and New Years. To be able to kiss each other when the ball dropped. I was getting more and more attached.  I told her I wanted to meet her. She only lived a few hrs away from my sister. I could use that as an excuse and visit. If only she'd say OK. She eventually did. The trip was planned for September.
• September - The month flew by quickly. The trip to visit Sammy was scheduled for the end of the month.  I visited her for 4 days, and they were the best days I've had in a long time. She actually met my sister (we drove up to visit her during one of the days), and it went exceedingly well. Things looked great. I had met someone I could be completely comfortable with. It was a first for me. Here was this beautiful woman who was in love with me for who I was and for how I looked. I never thought it was possible. I thought I'd have found the one. This trip was amazing. I didn't want to leave. But I had to come home. 
• October - And then October happened. After I left, she started to hang out with her friends more often and stayed busy socially. We slowly stopped talking on the phone as much. We texted a lot less often. I got confused and didn't know why this was happening. She said it was because she's been having a very active social life and hasn't been sleeping at home lately.  She said she needed space. She needed space. Because 2000 miles wasn't enough.  I tried to understand.  Everyone was on her side, telling me to give her the space she needed. But you know what? "I need space" just means I automatically build my wall and start protecting myself. How could I leave my guard down? Here she was having fun and I was home trying to get thru the day missing her a lot. The first few weeks of October were the worst for me.  I couldn't understand how an amazing trip flipped upside down and having a conversation with Sammy saying she needed more space.  Around then my work schedule had me busy so my drives consisted of me crying on my way to and from work just about every day.  At my worst, I thought Sammy was with someone else, that the other person caught her eye and she wanted to kind of see how that played out instead.  But every indication said she wasn't, and she was honest if anything. Maybe not tactful, but she was honest. By the end of the month, I  told her how she wasn't ever around, and she knew she wasn't. By then, things were broken for me.
• November - Some time in this month we called it quits. It was mostly mutual. We still had strong feelings for each other. Maybe not love per se, but we did have feelings. We didn't talk as much though. She said she wanted to get her life together. Be able to get a (better) job and move out of the house and away from her overbearing father.  She would always text me when she was lonely at home or stuck having to deal with her father.  We would occasionally talk on the phone.  Her best friend said that she still loves me, that tho she doesn't show it, she still had pictures of us on her phone and iPod. She mentioned that she felt like she couldn't live up to my expectations. I told her the only one I wanted was for us to be together. Maybe the weight of it was something she couldn't handle.
• December - We've been talking a bit more than before. For a while, we'd almost talk every day, much like before. I asked if we would ever get back together. She said right now, no, but in the future, maybe. It's definitely love for each other. Definitely not "in love" like before.  Occasionally she'll blurt out an "I love you," and it still makes my heart feel like its high as a kite.  I definitely haven't gotten over her. And tho she's not perfect, and I'll be completely selfish by saying this, she made me feel like me. I could let down all my guards with her, and I miss that the most. Just the fact that there was someone that accepted me and saw me for who I was and was IN LOVE with me. Yeah, I miss that. I miss holding her. I miss how she said my name. How she'd make me giggle and laugh. I miss her breathing.  I miss her even now.  Is it bad for me to not want to let that go?  Christmas and New Years alone. Again.

OK, let me take a breather here.

The Work Life -- Ugh, work.

• The First Half (Jan - May) - Work was work. I had a go-to group of people I could each lunch with. Things weren't bad, but I was bored. Then I became an Assistant Test Director (ATD) to a huge and upcoming project near the end of May.
• Summer (Jun - Sept) - My life as ATD was pretty boring. There wasn't much to be done at the time except for some late night testing sessions. Had a couple of new employees start that were around my age. They weren't married and didn't have children. I could relate a bit better with them. Started hanging out with them (at work) more frequently than my "usual" group.  
• October - Heavier testing started around here. The major test for the project was pushed back to November, affecting everyone's projects.  People scrambling. I'm mostly unaffected since my mind is elsewhere (on Sammy).  As ATD I help represent the project coordination team, so I'm at a lot of early morning or late night testing sessions. It helps keep me busy.  Dress rehearsal for the major testing are the last 2 weeks of October, including a last-minute Saturday session.
• November - Pretty much the entire month was dedicated to this testing, tho normally it should have only taken 2 wks (the holiday in the middle didn't help much). We also had a downsizing in workforce, so the team was stretched thin. Everyone was putting in the extra effort.  My days were long, pushing close to 11 hr days consistently (tack on the 2 hrs of commute time on top). It kept my mind off Sammy for sure.  I was exhausted, but I worked hard every day. The holidays were a nice change in pace.  The team found out that a huge 50-hr test was supposed to be run by us rather than another contractor. We scrambled again to create teams to tackle the 50 hrs in different shifts. I volunteered for the night shift since I had no family obligations.  For those days/shifts, I fully directed all testing and made the important decisions.  I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING. But dangit, I did it to the best of my ability.
• December - Testing for the project was completed. Now data analysis, which isn't so bad except it's been a long time since I last did any (beginning of the year during some down-time, for practice).  I've been chosen as Test Director for another project. At least I'm moving up in the world! But the politics of work are getting to me. My best friend said that with my job history I could potentially get jobs at Google/Apple (my dream jobs?) and that she knew a recruiter from Google. Sadly the recruiter never contacted me back. That didn't stop me. I applied to Google, and I got a letter from a recruiter but the phone discussion never happened.  I don't know if it will. I also applied (on a whim) to a job posted on craigslist, closer to home. I had a phone discussion that went well, I think. The interview is scheduled for next year. I'm slightly excited for this. Even if I don't get this position, I'll continue to apply to various places. 

The Social Life -- Even I have one sometimes.

• Winter (Jan / Feb) - Wow, I can't think of what I may have done during this time!? I may have hung out with Ezra once during this time.
• March - I went to Germany to my sister's friend's wedding. Didn't go alone. Went with my sister's best friend and her younger sister (Jen and Carly). I should really say that they are also my buddies, but really, they are my sister's friends first and foremost. It was a weekend whirlwind trip which was very very exciting.  TBH it was perfect for me, since I wanted to see the mountains and a picturesque scenery (with lake and snow capped mountain). I found it at Neuschwanstein Castle in southern Germany. We visited Nuremberg, where we stayed, Munich, and Dachau Concentration Camp.  I was the rock in the group, calming the frayed nerves of the two sisters who ended up causing each other anxiety.  Nothing like being a peacemaker. The wedding was a gorgeous one held in a castle and beautiful church. The ceremony, the reception, everything was simply perfect. Definitely a superb trip!
• Spring (Apr / May) - Sad that nothing really pops out in my mind.
• Summer (Jun - Aug) - My best friend came to visit in July. I took her out on a "date." I called it a "trial date" because at the time, if Sammy were to visit, I'd want to do this as a real 1st date with her. What was that date?  Going to a local lake for a canoe ride (ended up rowboat since my best friend was afraid of boats lol) and then go go-karting at this awesome place. Overall it was an awesome time, and we had a lot of fun!  I also hung out with my car buddy and his fiancee and new little pup.
• September - Well, I visited Sammy, and the weekend after my best friend came to visit again.  I told her everything, and I'm pretty sure I was still glowing at the time. All was still well in my world. My best friend and I went go-karting again. She needed redemption for her paltry performance on her first attempt. 
• October - Participated in the local city's Restaurant Week! Went with Jen and Carly and friends to Fogo de Chao, a Brazilian churasco/BBQ place. THAT was delicious! Then there was also a small street fair where I got to walk around and pet other people's dogs a lot and not pay attention to the actual art and craft things on display. After that, hung out with my car buddy and his now-wife (they got married) and got to see beautiful pics of Ireland from their honeymoon. Of course soon after was the Halloween party where I dressed up as a creepy ex-tennis player where my catch phrase was "Hey there, wanna play with my balls?" (with 2 tennis balls).  During this time, Carly, the younger sister, was having some mental health issues so I was kind of on standby for her. I'd spend days at her house, just to make sure she wasn't lonely. It helped me as well because of the stuff happening with Sammy at the time. It was good for me to get out of the house as well. In a way it helped me stop crying as much for my drives to/from work and come to terms with this "I need space" business.  And then Hurricane Sandy (FrankenSandy as I refer to her as) happened. I was with Carly at the time, and good thing too. She was a bundle of anxiety during that time.  We walked around her apt building, going to the penthouse and checking out how bad the storm was, seeing transformers blow on towers (and causing the sky to light up green), and watching for any leaks in the ceiling.
• November - Went with Jen and Carly to a small "hipster" like town with their friend for some walking around. Ventured into this  church-turned-restaurant that featured creole cooking and my goodness was that delicious!  Thanksgiving came around and my sister was back in town for the while. Things were kept low key for my family. 
• December - Ahh, when things are going somewhat well for my year, why does December let me down so much? All my plans have continually fallen through. I invited one of my coworkers over to watch some Lord of the Rings, and twice she called to say no kind of last moment. To be fair, she lives about an hr away at least.  Plans to watch The Hobbit with Carly also fell thru when she found out she had class. I still went on my own though. And it was AMAZING in 3D HFR! So realistic!! So crisp and beautiful!!!!  I also wanted to do a trip with maybe Jen and Carly to VT but those plans fell flat on their face. So instead I'm going to work since I guess I'd rather be working than using my vacation days to just sit at home and sulk.  And of course, no plans for NYE either. Except the usual family thing.  Just once, I'd like to be able to spend it with a special someone. Ah well.

The .... Life -- In general. Everything else I missed.

• Winter and Spring (Jan - Apr) - Really, nothing to report here that I haven't mentioned above. I had started going back to Muay Thai classes, aiming for 1x a wk. (By the end of last year, I had stopped going almost completely.)  By mid-March, because of the Germany trip, I stopped going again.  Back in December, Smoochie, the black cat, was diagnosed with pancreatic enzyme deficiency. Means his pancreas couldn't create the enzyme needed to breakdown food. He had lost something like 5 lbs in 3 months with untreatable diarrhea. A random and off-chance blood screen for this problem proved that he had this. So for the rest of his life he has to take some pancrease with his food.
• May - I ended up quitting Muay Thai. Although I loved the discipline and the coaches and staff, I couldn't afford it. The reason being was that I started seeing a therapist and couldn't really afford both. For all my issues. Muay Thai wasn't solving my problems the way I wanted it to. I wanted to be more socially active, and I wanted to sort things out about myself.  A while ago Ezra had mentioned the city's LGBT center with therapists, so I decided that it was something I needed to do. Except that center was so overbooked until June or July that I had to find another therapist. Good thing too because the one I found was amazing and very local.  I started seeing her weekly, talking to her about any and all issues, issues that I thought weren't major that ended up being significantly major in my life. Finally come to terms about my gender dysphoria and sexuality.  She casually pushes me to seek more friends / make new friends.
• Summer (Jun - Sept) - My one cat, Smoochie, had started gaining back the weight he lost, but then suddenly he started dropping weight again. He didn't want to eat as much as before, and he didn't have diarrhea. He became lethargic and listless. I took him to the vet and since the blood work was negative, got an ultrasound done on his abdomen. His liver and lymph nodes were inflamed. Smoochie most likely has lymphoma. Now Smoochie is my sister's cat so she was in a huge fit about this since she missed him dearly.  My sister flew home to be with Smoochie and, if needed, put him down if he was suffering. We put him on some Prednizone (a steroid) to increase his appetite and give him some pep. It worked instantaneously and he regained his appetite. We opted not to do a biopsy to confirm/negate the potential for him having lymphoma. For what? He would be dead within 6 months of any treatment regardless.  My vet calmed my sister down from her panicked hysteria of potentially having to put Smoochie down, saying that if the Prednizone works and his quality of life can remain above normal, it'd be OK to keep him on the medicine. She agreed.  In the meantime, therapy sessions are going well. Therapist wants me to be more active, since activity helps release endorphins and will keep me from diving into depression. 
• October - Therapist is well versed in what's been going on with Sammy and myself. Totally understands how I feel, tho at the beginning she also agreed to give Sammy the space she wanted.  Didn't really understand that I wall-up. I try my best to give Sammy the space she needs, and with the social life I was having, it was working somewhat OK. Sammy's need for space and acting iffy on relationships in general is her being younger and not really knowing what she wants.  A lot of my dreams have me running in them. Since my dreams are generally about things that I don't have in my life, I decide to get me running shoes and start running. Maybe that's what my body has been craving. So I buy my first real pair of running shoes. And I start running/walking.
• November - I try to run/walk as often as possible. I've gotten back into Zombies, Run! mobile app, which has made things a lot more interesting for me. I've completed season 1 and can't wait for season 2!  My best time has been around a 15 min mile. Yes, I am not a runner. But I'd like to get a 12 min mile in eventually.  I really want to move. My car is taking a beating with the drive to/from work. I've been getting up earlier everyday so I can drive thru the city with less traffic and only a 45min commute. The drive home is still unbearable.
• December - Got the Zombies 5k mobile app, which is the couch to 5k program featuring the folks from Zombies, Run! I've completed week 1, but admittedly have been slacking. I'm trying to walk as often as I can, even if it's every other day. Trying to keep as active as possible.  Applying to various places, and at this point, I don't care where I end up. I kind of want to live in a city, where the possibility of meeting other gay people are higher than in the suburbs.  I need more money to fix my car properly.  Or a job where I won't need a car at all.  I am ready for significant changes in ALL aspects of my life. 

Overall 2012 has been a good year, tho it's ending a bit on a sour note. But I suppose that means that 2013 will start much better and with a bang. 

Whether Sammy and I get back together, who knows. She's an amazing young lady, regardless of what happens, and I wish nothing but the best for her. I'm just going to enjoy the time I DO get to spend with her.  And whether or not I get the job for either positions I've applied for, we'll see. I'll just be honest with myself and try not to give excuses for my actions.  All I can do now is work on myself. Work on changing what I can change and taking charge of my life. I'll do my best to be more active by running/walking more often, regardless of weather or simple excuses I can hide behind. In the last days of this year I want to do my best to give myself a headstart. I know I could use one. Time to make one for myself!

Note to self: Give yourself props for going for a run/walk today. Even if you bellyflopped the pavement.
Note to future self: I've lost some weight at this point in life. Have you continued this trend?

From ALL the orifices!

OK, it's been a bazillion months since I last updated.  What have I been doing? Where have I been?

(On a side note, a wonderful short story by Joyce Carol Oates, "Where are you going, where have you been?" is a wonderful and creepy read.)

So let us recap quickly!

May!

• FINALLY GOT A JOB WOOO. I get to push buttons and get paid! Hurray! (Only downside is the 1 hr long commute. Gosh, driving can be boring.)

June!

• Went to visit a friend from my old alma mater!  I haven't seen him in AGES.  Like,... about 5 years or so. LOL. It was great to see him, his new beau (well, not new, but new to me), and his awesome house that he's fixing up.  What a great weekend overall! I do miss NYState so much. So beautiful.
• JOINED A GYM. Good grief, yeah. I joined a gym for a class. Muay Thai class. YEAH I WILL KICK BUTT AND TAKE NAMES.

July!

• Made me a new buddy from OkCupid! Her name is Ezra* and she is a redhead.  I hang out every few weekends or so with her, her SO, and their DJ friends.  I have been to more shows over the summer than I have in the past 5 years. 
• My sister came to visit! Hurrah, we spend birthday time with her and we buy ourselves some new toys! A new iPad 2 for me and a new MBP for her! :D :D 

August!

• Mmmm I can't really recall if anything spectacular has happened? So let's move on!

September!

• I can't think of anything here either!!
• Yes, I am still taking my Muay Thai classes,... but I admit, I am not going as frequently as I should! D: 

October!

• This month just started and it's already busy!  I went to Pennhurst Haunted Asylum, which is FREAKING AWESOME.  It was cold and rainy, but soooo worth it. Even if I did lose the group I went with. At least I was warmly welcomed into a group of 13 yr old boys.  I'm sure pedobear** would be proud LOLOLOL.
• Worked on my Halloween costume! :D 
• Made me another new buddy! Her name is Ezra, and she is a redhead! Yes, another one. Yes, also from OkCupid. Haha, my luck, right?  She brought me over some choco chip banana muffins when...
• I got sick. Really sick. I mean, mucus everywhere, snot flying, coughing, sneezing, aching, crying sick.  Managed to give myself a mild case of pink eye(s), most likely from rubbing my nose then stupidly rubbing my eyes afterwards. Also have an ear infection, too.  So to recap, pink eye in both my eyes means mucus coming out my eyes, my ear is infected, my throat is sore and clogged up, my nose is all sorts of runny with even more mucus, and my cough is very productive! Hurray for mucus! ....NO. NOOOOOOOOPE. Do not want. So I am drugged up now and happy that I can finally potentially get a decent amount of sleep tonight!  Yay for codeine!

All in all, my life has been good. Not great, not awesome, not very good either, just good. But definitely a hella lot better than before. And if this is just the stepping stone to awesomeness, then so be it!!!!! I hope it is!!!  It's my life, and I must participate in it fully, right? Here I am, trying to participate!!!

Note to self:  Should have eaten that before it melted into a pile of goo.

Note to future self: You should eat that before it melts.

* Yeah, it's obviously not Ezra, but I am not one to call out people's names on here.
** Important disclaimer: Pedobear is an internet meme. In no way shape or form should it used to denote that it is pro-pedophilia. That's just disgusting.  Pedobear serves to mock people being creepy. People who don't understand internet memes often do not understand the many "jokes" and "trolls" of internet savants, and assume incorrectly that he symbolizes pedophiles or something stupid like that. Do your research.  His appearance is the equivalent of CEILING CAT. If you don't get it still, then replace Pedobear with Ceiling Cat and re-read everything. :)

A moment of pure happiness.

Years ago, I had found it.

I was in an aquarium at the walrus enclosure.  There were a couple of them swimming around, and this was the lower section, where we could watch them swim (instead of the upper level where we saw them lounge).

I walked up to the glass. One walrus came up to me. It pressed its face against the glass and started to whistle.  I tilted my head and watched it.  The whistle was clear and distinct, echoing through the room. Piiiiiiii.

I slowly moved to my left. It followed me.  Piiiiiii...

I leaned lower to the ground. It followed me.  Piiiiii...

I stood upright and moved to my right.  It followed me.  Piiiiii...

I love you, my dear friend, the whistling walrus! I hope you have a good life. I miss you and the one moment we shared.

Cat silliness

Yes, another post about my cats.

I haven't written much. As usual, I've found myself starting some posts and ...possibly never finishing them.  They have entered the purgatory of blog posts. Unfinished drafts. But anyway! This one is finished!! (Shoddily written.)

Today's post will be dedicated to my cats, Smoochie and Moo. They are quite silly as far as cats go.

Now as pet owner, you may have realized that your pets like to join you in the bathroom. After all, its the best time for them to get your undivided attention!  My cats take it one step further...

First up is Moo. Now, whenever I'm in the bathroom, I tend to close the door, but never all the way.  Why? Because this way my cats can just barge in whenever they please. Smoochie will generally just headbutt his way into the bathroom.

In Moo's case, she's very discrete.  She will extend her paw out and shake it furiously.  Once this easily-understandable action of saying Hello! is complete, she will then nudge her nose thru the crack and slowly peek in.  If I am still going about my business in the bathroom and don't look like I am close to being finished, she will then hop into the room quickly and proceed to go to the water bowl, demanding for fresh water.  Of which I oblige her with in the morning.

And then there's good ol' Smoochie. Now, he does enjoy going to the bathroom and making quite a mess of the kitty litter. No, he doesn't kick it all over the place. He stands inside the litterbox and swats around the litter that's on the floor in front of it. My sister says it's because she's OCD with cleaning the floor around the box that he's mimicking her actions.  MAYBE.  Except he's not helping clean, but making more of a mess!

As long as if he's happy right? Well, the other day I caught him prancing out of the litter box (yes, he prances out), proceeding to walk out the door as usual. But instead of walking out of the door, he instead walked to my towel that was hanging and WIPED HIS PAW ON IT. -.- What? Yeah, you heard me right. He wanted to clean his dirty paw on my towel!  When I exclaimed out loud, he looked at me as if to say "What, you wipe your hands after touching my litter. Why can't I?" ...How do I argue this? 

At least I wash my hands first!

Note to near-future self: Record this and upload to Youtube.

Note to future self: Step 3. ???? Step 4. Profit!

Where have you gone?

Seriously, where have you gone?
Where have you been?
What have you done?
Would you recognize me if you saw me?
Would I recognize you?
Would you acknowledge our past?
Or dismiss it like you always have?
Have you forgotten about me?
Will I forget about you?

Note to future self: Have I forgotten?
Note to near-future self: Will I forget?

Roasted Vegetables.

OK, first of all, let's get one thing straight.

I AM A MEAT EATER.


I like my steak, my chicken, my bacon. Land-dwelling animal? Most likely I will eat it. Admittedly, not a fan of turkey unless it's Thanksgiving.  Yeah, I like my starchy products, too.  Well, I'm just a fan of food in general.  If it tastes good, I will like it.

That being said, I should note that I don't eat as much vegetables and fruits as I probably should. The food pyramid is wrong.  You know, starches on the bottom, oil/fat at the top, everything else kind of in the middle. Nowadays, people are pushing for more veggies and fruits, less of meat, cheese, and bread. In my case, my food pyramid looks like this:

Get the point?

A lot of my friends are becoming vegetarian. I can't do it. Quite simply, I love steak too much.  A nice prime rib with au jus and horseradish sauce? Mmmm. Filet mignon, medium-rare with sautéed onions and mushrooms and garlic in a red wine reduction? Delicious!

But I digress.

Instead, today I will talk about my attempt at roasting vegetables in an effort to actually increase my vegetable intake.  Actually, it will be a how-to guide to roasting vegetables, my way. (i.e. Lots of pictures!)

Ingredients:

• Yellow Squash - 3x (about 6 inches long each)
• Asparagus - Bunch (the skinny kind is what I used)
• Red Onion - 1x (medium to large size)
• Extra virgin olive oil - EVOO!!
• Salt
• Pepper
• Minced Garlic

Directions:

Preheat oven to 400˚ F.

On a roasting pan, put foil down. In my case, I used a cookie sheet with 1 strip of foil.  

Snap the butt-ends of the asparagus off. You can use your fingers or you can use a knife. (Use only half the asparagus in the bunch.)












Cut the squash down the center, then down the center, then dice into 1cm (~1/2 inch) chunks.

Cut ends off of onion and peel first layer off.













Cut in half, then cut across, then cut at an angle so each segment is about 1-2 cm (~1/2 to 1 inch) wide at the center. (Use only half)

Place all veggies in colander and rinse.


In large bowl, pour some EVOO in (~2 tbsp), about 2 pinches of salt, and grind up that pepper (I like a lot of pepper).

Toss with your fingers/hand the squash and onions to coat all the pieces equally.


Pour veggies onto foil.

Put aspragus on other side.


Drizzle EVOO over asparagus, sprinkle lightly with salt, grind the pepper, and add a dollop or 2 of minced garlic.


Roll the asparagus around on the foil to fully coat with garlic and such.



Put in oven for 10 minutes.

Clean up kitchen.

Realize that you have no hot water running.



Go to the basement and check your water heater.

Call Dad up to find out that he's not home.

HANDWAVE FREAK OUTERY

Call water heater company and have them walk you through turning unit off, then on and seeing if the gas lights up again.

Corral the cats out of the water closet (haha, WC).

Realize that more than 10 minutes have passed and run back upstairs.

Check on veggies and pull out of oven.

Voila! Food is done!!









Serve yourself a nice tall glass of chocolate milk and enjoy the veggies!

Be happy to know that as homeowner, you have averted just one small crisis. (Also explains why I had to take a semi-cold shower this morning. Sigh. -.- )

For my part, the veggies turned out edible and kind of good. The asparagus was slightly overcooked. I will prolly just boil them next time.  But the squash and onions were good.

For dessert, I had a bowl of chocolate pudding and some very tart strawberries.

Note to future self: Eat more veggies.
Note to near-future self: Put the heat on...

Naturally disastrous with Apps.

As you know, an 8.9-magnitude earthquake hit off the coast of Sendai, Japan yesterday, causing 10m (30ft) high tsunami waves that swept over the coastal areas near there. The tsunami affected pretty much all of the Pacific Ocean, with places like Hawaii and California seeing its effect (albeit much more mildly).

To top it off, the one nuclear reactor is still giving problems, most recently with a small explosion from pressure buildup.  If you're a Final Fantasy 7 fan, all I can think about is Daiichi Reactor = Sector 1 Reactor, and the explosion / leak was caused by AVALANCHE, and not by the earthquake. For those not a fan or not a gamer... Well,... Google is your friend.

During such a time, I found myself glued to any real-time source of information. Twitter, CNN, BBC, whatever.  So I ended up downloading some apps for my iPhone in order to stay fully connected to the situation.  

Here is the list of what I downloaded and my review of them, following.

• Disaster Alert
• NHK World
• MSNBC
• AJE Live

Each of these were downloaded for different reasons.

Disaster Alert

This App is brought to you by the awesome folks at Pacific Disaster Center out in Hawaii.  The PDC give a real-time account of what is going on in the Ring of Fire area (pretty much all of the Pacific Ocean) in terms of natural events (earthquakes, tsunamis, etc).  

The App is based off Bing or Google satellite maps, with icons pointing out whatever event is happening at the moment in that location.

• Pros: Easy to view map with icons and quick links to simple text-based information.  Bing's map scrolls around and around.  Simple use for simple app.  FREE is key!!
• Cons: No push notifications, but I guess that's understandable. Highly active areas, like the bazillion aftershocks in Japan, would mean a bazillion push notifications. Also, Google's map doesn't scroll around and around. 

NHK World TV Live

If you've been watching any of the clips of the tsunami, NHK World is the referenced station in almost all the videos.  NHK is the major TV station of Japan, and NHK News would be the equivalent to CNN or BBC news.  This app shows certain NHK TV Shows, though recently most of the coverage has been about the quake.

• Pros: Can watch what is going on in Japan with the quake in real-time. Shows videos of the areas, the relief effort, etc. Simple to use interface. Basically it automatically starts the live feed on app start. No options here. It just is exactly an app that does live feed!  Oh, and it's FREE.
• Cons: No language options. The raw feeds are in English and sometimes in amateur journalism style.  Sometimes you might get another language other than English.  I'd prefer being able to choose which language but I guess that would take away from the simplicity of the program.

MSNBC

Probably the only American News App I got.  I thought about getting CNN, but.... Actually I'm glad I got this app. It's basically the MSNBC news app and also supports some of its shows, such as Today Show, The Rachel Maddow Show, even Countdown with Keith Olbermann (even though that's done).

• Pros: IT HAS PUSH NOTIFICATIONS! So immediately I knew about the leaky nuke plant, about the aftershocks in Fukushima, etc.  The interface is kind of awesome.  Click on one of the 'peacock feathers' to go to that section.  They have videos from stories and from their shows; they show tweets from users from their shows.  The ads aren't that intrusive.  Free content is free!
• Cons: What is everyone's fascination with black background for interfaces? That's really it. I really like this app.

AJE Live

If you don't know what AJE is, it is Al-Jazeera, the ever-growing news station that brings to the world the real news!  But wait, don't CNN, BBC, MSNBC, FOX do that? PSH NO. They are all politically riddled (especially right-centric Fox) news stations. They don't show the full truth. They dont think we can handle the truth!!!  Well, we can. And Al-Jazeera is out there to prove that we can. Before, people thought that hey, it's an Arabic name, therefore THEY MUST BE TERRORISTS!! News from terrorists! Ahh!! ....No. They aren't terrorists. They are just straight up raw news. You want the truth of what's going on in Egypt or Libya, not the sugar-coated stuff that the American/British news are offering you? Then get it here. Don't hate just because they have an Arabic name.

• Pros: Real news for people who can handle the truth. Better news, faster load times, simpler interface, free live feed.  FREE App too!
• Cons: Though the interface is simple, it is kind of cluttered when drilling down to view articles within a section.

Bottom line is, THEY ARE ALL FREE. 

Also, let us hope that Japan comes out all right after this. 

Note to future self: And the world is falling apart...

Note to near-future self: Isn't technology wonderful?

Current Playlist

Been in a mellow mood recently. Possibly because I've been under a lot of stress (midterms, petsitting, driving around a lot, etc).

But music is my life, and it has such an effect on my mood.  So I'd like to share my current "Chill" playlist. I'll probably add more if I remember to.

• Kymai - Colle (ft. Aynell)
• Kymai - La coeur en silence (Acoustic version)
• Kymai - Prends la vie comme elle vient
• Bruno Mars - The Lazy Song
• Bruno Mars - Count On Me
• Jack Johnson - Flake
• James - One of the Three
• The Cure - Catch
• Lucious Jackson - Why do I lie?
• Van Morrison - Brown Eyed Girl
• Harry Nilsson / Resevoir Dogs - Coconut
• Blue Suede - Hooked on a Feeling
• Tom Petty / Barnyard the Movie - Won't Back Down
• Sam Hart - Mario Kart Love Song
• Oasis - Whatever
• U2 - Stuck in a Moment (Acoustic)
• Jimmy Buffett - Jamaica Farewell
• Bob Marley - Buffalo Soldier
• Bob Marley - Three Little Birds
• Bob Marley - One Love / People Get Ready
• Bob Marley - Stir It Up

Yeah, it's a lot of reggae style, with Kymai (French) and Bob Marley.  But it's all relaxing (for me), cuz I can sit back, press shuffle, and chill for a while and bob my head to the music, dreaming that I'm somewhere else...

So if you're in the mood to listen to something new, give any of these songs (if you've never heard of them before).

Note to future self: What's the playcount on these songs now? lol...
Note to near-future self: Add some more classic tunes like American Pie, Hotel California, etc.

Forced change

Today something very dear to me died. Nay, it decided to commit suicide. I am talking about my phone.  I have had this old LG Voyager since it was the flagship phone for Verizon back in 2007. Yes, I have been using the same phone for 4 years. Why?

Well, when this phone came out, it was in reaction to Apple's iPhone. This was the start of the touchscreen phones. Every company had to make their version of a touchscreen phone. This was LG's version. It had a touchscreen on the front, then flip to open for internal screen with qwerty keyboard. I believe later iterations were/are called the enV or enV2.

The Voyager was good when I first had it, but it wasn't intuitive. It just wasn't the iPhone. As you know, for the past 4 years or so the iPhone was exclusively with AT&T.  And so for 4 years, I waited. I waited because I knew that the iPhone would come to Verizon. It had to. And if not, well, I'd just get the 2nd best thing.

I never did get another phone. My Voyager's touch screen died. In fact, when it died, it went in a funky manner. First, it randomly started dialing and saving contacts. You know that butt-dialing commercial? Yeah, that was my phone. It would butt-dial and save random things to my contacts list. Or edit them. Annoying. Soon after, my screen would try to go to random places -- Calendar, My Verizon, Alarm, Camera, etc. Eventually, to stop it from accidentally going to some internet thing off Verizon (remember, this was pre-Android even) and getting charged for use I didn't partake in, I had to set all my touchscreen shortcuts to Calendar.

Eventually even that stopped working.  But that was OK!  Like I said before, I am a texter. I texted everyone. And since I could still make and receive phone calls without the touch screen, I wasn't too worried.  Got the keyboard and the internal screen, y'know? (The external screen still displayed, but the touch function was gone.)  But after dropping it one too many times, one of the hinges came loose. So the phone was falling apart, slowly. It was dying. Yet I still persisted.  Months passed. The phone kept on chugging. I kept pushing off the inevitable. I mean, why buy a new one when this one still works fine for what I need it to do?

Today, while walking Odie, I decided to jog down the hill to the street lamp. I put the phone in my pocket and started the jog. Since Odie was keeping up, I started to sprint. And whoosh, like that, my phone said to me, "HEY! IT'S BEEN FUN. THANKS FOR THE RIDE, BUT HERE IS WHERE I GET OFF. SEE YA AROUND!!" And just like that, it hopped out of my pocket and crash landed on the cement pavement. And the world was split in two.

...Or at least the phone was. The other hinge, which controlled both the screens and the speakers, had ripped apart. I couldn't really see how bad the damage was since it was dark out, but I could feel its innards gushing out. The cords were broken. There was nothing I could do.  I carefully picked up both halves of the phone and walked slowly home. Odie must have understood my plight.

Before my fateful jog, I was texting someone. I figured I ought to let them know that my phone died. Without a screen I wasn't sure if I could remember the key combinations to reply to a text. "if youre getting this my phone is dead" [yes, spelling/grammar errors because it's texting] would be the last text I would ever send on that phone.

And off to the Verizon store I went. What phone would I get? Would I buckle and get the iPhone? Would I get the Droid HTC? Or maybe another iteration of the Voyager (Cosmos seemed particularly similar)?  After playing a game on the iPhone, I decided that was what I was going to get. I am a fan of Apple products after all. I was holding out for it, then was holding out for the rumoured iPhone 5. But my phone told me it was time to move on.

Move on I did. Reluctantly. However, I am now with a new iPhone. And I love it. I can still type just as fast (and with just as many errors lol).  I'm afraid of getting apps for it. I suppose I will, but I don't want to spend so much money on them, nor lose productivity by playing on it. But the retina display.... Gorgeous!

So to my old Voyager, fare thee well! I hope you will find a good place to be. You've been good to me through the years. Many fond memories we've had. :) And welcome to my new iPhone. I hope to have just as many good memories as I did with the Voyager. Certainly will have just as much fun.

R.I.P Voyager 2007-2011

Note to future self: Wait another few years before getting the next iteration of the iPhone I guess!

Note to near-future self: What games did you end up buying? I know not Angry Birds. We are just not a fan, since we suck at it.

Interesting indeed.

History is bound to repeat itself unless you learn from it. A loop, a cycle, repeated ad infinitum, unless you learn.

Let's take current events for example and compare it to history.
Egypt just had a revolution where the general populace ousted their president/dictator of 30 years.  Following close behind is Libya and Yemen and other outlying Arab countries.  The general outlook is revolution on the minds of the people.

Where have we seen something like this happen?  Most notably in Western Europe with the French Revolutions. The French couldn't figure it out for many years, so they have revolutions upon revolutions back in the 18th/19th centuries. It first started with granting a more republican/democratic system of government. Egypt wants a more representative government. Those in power stepped down, reliquishing their "power" for the moment. What will happen next for Egypt? Well, in France, after the 2nd revolution, the military stepped in and "gave birth" to Napoleon. He took over much of Europe, if you recall.  The military is now the "active" government in Egypt while they sort things out. Will the new leader be militaristic? I actually kind of doubt this. But one never knows. However, the key thing is that the French Revolutions caused a reactionary movement across Europe.

Revolutionaries wanted change for their own countries. They saw what France did. They are seeing what Egypt did. They applied this to their situation and took advantage. Revolt, protests, riots against the government. Poland, Germany, Italy, Spain. Libya, Yemen, Oman.  What did the governments do? They are trying to do everything they can to suppress the uprisings. And at first it worked, as it did in the Revolutions of 1848. But in the end, it didn't. So take heart, Libya, Yemen, Oman! Change is slow but it is still possible.  ...In about 50 years you will look back and laugh about how you sorted out the government by wearing bread-hats.

Now, I'm not a history buff. It's just that I'm taking a Western Civ class that focuses on history from the French Revolution to modern times.  It's even more interesting to know that as I'm reading and learning about this era, current events are being shaped in the same mold as those in the 18th century.

--A bit of a digression--
When I took my economics course a couple of years ago, the stock market crashed and we entered the worst recession / almost depression in years. I could see how people reacted to the economic situation, and I firmly believe that Bernake and Obama were doing the right thing. We do need more government to help get us out of a "funk." It's what works. Less government isn't the way to go. Once we're back to par, then less government is fine, and better. But that is why we have a government. It is like a parent that coaxes and supports a child. Except that we chose the parent(s).  Sure if the child falls, it should get up on its own (regular mini recessions and inflations). But if the child falls into a fast-flowing river, the parent better save the child!!
--End digression--

Dissidents will be dissidents. Voices will be heard. Reactionary movements will happen. And revolution will bring change. Viva la revolution!

Note to future self: Have I learned anything? Am I bound to repeat my own history?
Note to near-future self: No more courses on things that might become pertinent!!

PS - I totally understand the TeaBaggers anger towards getting taxed but, seriously I'm not for it. We voted a president in who admitted that he might raise taxes. We voted. Therefore its representation. It is not Taxation without representation, the original reason of the Tea Party in the 1700's. Doofuses. -.-

Totally gonna do it.

YEAH I AM TOTALLY GONNA DO IT.  I AM SICK OF THIS!!


YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!!!


DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, CUZ I'M NOT GONNA LISTEN!  I'M GONNA DO IT!!





Yeah you heard me right. I'm gonna do it!! I'm gonna have a themed slumber party!!! Oh yeah. I'm sick of having parties with no themes. Or having people sleep over with no major reason.

So now I've got one!!! The theme of this slumber party will be about being a kid again. Which means NERF GUNS, FORTS, AND STAYING UP UNTIL THE SUN COMES UP! (Or until we pass out at 1am because sadly we are old.)

The fort will be awesome. This is how I envision it:

Here is what each number means (if you can't figure it out):

1. Giant sheet or 2 to cover the fort.  Underneath it would be poles or something to hold it up high. I was thinking an all mattress fort, but mattresses are heavy!!!!! So poles are cheap and light.  Sheet would keep the heat in too.
2. Mattress for the floor. C'mon. I'm not my sister who can sleep on hard floors. I am civilized! LOL. So for maximum comfort, a mattress to lay on!
3. Cats. Inevitably. That one is Smoochie. He loves to see what the fuss is about.
4. Nerf guns, DUH! (Can't you tell from the crazy colours? That's part of their appeal!
5. My crazy big TV. Yes, movies in 1080p! Now I won't be so scared to watch scary movies, cuz I can shoot it with my Nerf gun or hide in my fort!!!!!!

As you can see, I have clearly thought this out. Oh and that would be me in the fort. So when I get around to having a slumber party, I will do this!!!

NEVER TOO OLD FOR SLUMBER PARTIES. (Co-ed or otherwise)

Note to future self: Can we make this a permanent addition to the basement? Please?
Note to near-future self: What about the furniture? Well, I guess we can make a mini fort with the couch cushions for the impending Nerf war!

Charming!

I'd like to think that I'm disarmingly charming at times. No, I am not good looking, but I occasionally can put people at ease or calm them down if they are having a stressful day. It's the way I smile! (It's always the way you smile.) I think it is my beta attitude that throws people off.

As a heads up, people get very defensive when you come at them with certain tones and attitudes. Having a condescending tone of voice is a great example of how to get people to wall up.  Don't come at a person straight forward; come at them at an angle. Just like a velociraptor!

Pro tip for disarming people with smile-charm: Slightly raise your eyebrows when you make a grin. Kind of a sheepish grin but not totally.  Also, relax your eyes so they aren't intense but soft. Speak softly and calmly, maybe questioningly so as to seem like you need help. People will lower their guard; most people will inherently want to help.  Total beta approach to people. For those of you who are alphas, this still works, and you don't lose your alpha status!

Edit: Added this drawing to show what I mean by soft eyes and slightly raised eyebrows. Also 2 examples of how NOT to do it. 

Here are some examples:
Story 1.  The other day I got to the post office at 3:55pm. It closes at 4pm. I needed to get some items shipped, so I was hoping that someone would be at the counter.  No one was. I gently called out, and some lady who looked kind of peeved came out. I gave my signature smile and asked politely if I was too late and if I could ship some items out. She looked at me and said with a sigh that it was OK. I got my items shipped out without a hitch!  Booya.

Story 2 (and 3): I work in a very small IT department of a company -- 3 people + boss. My coworker (we will call him Bob) and I had to get a lot of work done. We needed to burn some information to disc, so he asked if I would go to the boss and ask for a blank disc. I said sure. Walked up to my boss, asked for a disc and received one with no questions asked.  When Bob asked how it went, he was surprised that I wasn't questioned as if it were the Spanish Inquisition. Apparently he gets grilled about it!  See, charming smile. ;)

Most of that same day, we were looking for an install disc. Couldn't find it anywhere. Finally at around 2pm, after completing some other tasks, I said that I'll try to look in the storage cabinets in the boss' office, the last place we haven't checked where it might be. Of course, I had to ask my boss if it was OK to go through the cabinets, but what popped out instead was: "Um, do you happen to have ____ install disc by any chance??" My boss looked at me for a sec, then went through his desk and handed me the install disc. I hopped back in my office with a huge grin, showing Bob the fruits of my easy effort; I was literally gone for a minute. Bob was simply dumbfounded! He asked where I found it, and I just said that I asked the boss! Haha. Let's just not tell the boss how much time we spent looking for that disc. :)

Pro tip for more disarmament: Be polite! Always say please and thank you, often! It doesn't hurt you, and it puts people at ease. People like to feel appreciated, mostly when they are busy working. 

So give it a whirl today!

Note to future self: Exploitation! :o
Note to near-future self: When you're smiling, the whole world smiles with you.

Petsitting 101

Spur of the moment post! (Yes, some are actually planned well in advance.)

I've been asked to pet-sit my friend's dog and 2 cats. The two cats are currently at their owner's house, chillin' like the little cute terrors that they are. The dog goes with me, wherever I go. He is awesome.  He's a Cavalier King Charles or something like that, black-n-tan.

Anyway, Odie is a bundle of joy. For the most part, he's very well-mannered. He doesn't bark much either unless something scares him. He's used to cats who kind of gang up on him (didn't I mention that the cats were little terrors?) so my cats aren't an issue at all.

My cats on the other hand? Moo looks at me, saying: "Why did you bring this... THING....home? Why couldn't you keep it outside? I can't sleep with you anymore. I'm so upset. Don't talk to me. Leave me alone."  Smoochie isn't sure what to make of him: "What is this!! He ....doesn't pay attention to me? BUT I MUST HISS! Hiss!! Pay attention to me but don't! Hiss!"

Meanwhile, Odie's looking at me like: "Seriously? Are they always lik-- hey, is that peanut butter? C'mon! I want some, I want some!"

This is Odie!

Well, the blog is about petsitting. Let me write it out for you.

1. Dogs need to go for walks. A LOT. And this certain little bundle of fur definitely likes to run around. Who'da thunk it? Luckily my bedroom is large enough for him to sort of play fetch with his toy.
2. Did you know that fish need food too? Man, my friends have too many pets. Cats, a dog, and a host of fish! Well, at least the fish don't complain or knock stuff over if they need attention.
3. Dog poo stinks. Prepare yourself for the ensuring odors that emanate from them. No bag will cover that smell up.
4. Cat poo in kitty litter that you're not familiar with stinks as well.
5. (Added 2/23) Dogs are social creatures and need a lot more attention than cats. Maybe this is why I don't have a dog. Tho, Odie is a bit of an attention whore. ;)
6. (Added 3/6) Odie does not poo where he plays. So if we are playing fetch, he will not poo anywhere near that area. However, if we go back to our walking route, it's no holds barred then.  I wonder if this is the case for other dogs as well.

This is my first time pet sitting for an extended amount of time, so as the days go by, I'm sure I will update the post with things I learn from the experience.

Note to future self: Let's get a dog?
Note to near-future self: Let's hope Moo doesn't hate me.

A rant on education and jobs

After speaking with a close friend of mine, I remembered what I used to say about education when I was 3 years old. Why do we have to pay for education?? Why isn't it free?

And now, years later, my friend and I are asking that question again. Really, why ARE we paying for education? Now, economically speaking, teachers gotta get paid, I understand that. But how come at such a premium? How come there is a price on knowledge? 

In this horrible economy, everyone is struggling. My dad is a huge fan of the barter system. And it's a bloody good one. You know, if you fix my plumbing, your rent is waived for a month. Or, hey I will give you ____ in exchange for ______. And it works!

We need to get rid of our obsession and fascination of money, fame, power.

There was a time in my life that I lived in St. Thomas for 3 months. I'd like to go and do something like that again. Live somewhere, maybe do jobs here and there, then move on. Except I'm attached to money. Is it hard to let it go? Isn't there a movie like that? Eat, pray, love? I don't think I would mind living in Hawaii, working at a surf shop.  ...Of course I might end up being really high all the time. Well, that's OK, too. (And that's a completely different topic as well.)  Do I need money to be able to let it go? Can I just let it go without worries right now? Am I bogged down with responsibilities, to self, family (and pets), banks, etc?  What is so bad with being a drifter?

I do like modern plumbing and hygiene. Maybe I can't really be too much of a drifter. I'd be too high-maintenance! OK, let's modify the 3-month drifter plan to taking random jobs for a year or 2, in random places.  Since I live in the US, we'll keep it simple and work just in the states. That way I don't have to worry about visas and such.  Though I wouldn't mind working in Canada.  Yeah, I could probably do that.

What about college or education beyond college? There are people with no college education who are succeeding. There are those with multiple degrees who can barely make enough to survive. There was a point when those who were educated were given more money, but those barriers aren't there as much. In the IT industry, it's certificates. "Oh, you've got a Master's degree but no Microsoft ____ certificate? Sorry, you can't get this job." I mean, what's the point then? Here's another: "We're looking for someone with a Master's degree in graphic design, 5-10 yrs of experience. The salary will be $38,000."  Really? Unbelievable. This is across the board, in any field.

Yes, I'm bitter. I've been applying to places based on qualifications. I may not have a lot of experience, but I can do the job. And there's on the job training! Why can't I get a job?? Why are you insisting on paying me pennies for my effort??  It is depressing.

We all know that money doesn't bring in happiness, yet here we are so attached.

A part of me wants to run away from all forms of monetary responsibility. Even drop off the face of the internet and live life in some random place, off of some beaten old path. And a year or 2 later when I return, when you inevitably ask where I went, I will tell you that I found freedom by fixing the pipes in people's houses as I've moved across the country and back.

Note to future self: Keep it in mind.
Note to near-future self: Don't forget the post-script notes!

Sleep induced conversations.

There is sleep talking, sleep walking, and now even sleep texting. I am 2 of the them. It's not too hard to guess which ones I am. But if you need to know, I sleep talk and sleep text. I can definitely say I've never sleep walked. (Slept walk? what is the past tense of this?)  However, I have been known to do crazy things when I'm in a zombie-induced state, whether it's from too many Benadryl or from lack of sleep/overtiredness.

Now, with the proliferation of phones that can text, surf the web, and even wipe your butt, I don't have to talk on the phone as much. This is another topic, but the bottom line is: I am a texter. I would much rather text you than talk to you on the phone.  I have a couple of people that I text all the time. One such person gets the joys of me rolling over at night to text them some random garblygook about a dream that I was half in. Except I dont remember texting them. I don't even remember the dream. All I remember is that the next morning, the person usually replies, and I had no idea what they were talking about until I see what I wrote.  This happens on a fairly frequent basis. The best part is that I'm not the only one who does this. The other person DOES IT AS WELL. We sleep text each other. It's quite a shared moment. Sleep texting is RAW.

But enough about that. Let's focus on sleep talking.

For me, I sleep talk when I am on the phone with someone. It won't matter who, but if I'm in bed, most likely I'll be falling asleep on you while on the phone.

I was talking to a friend who was a bit of an insomniac. I remember spending hours talking to them (I had nothing better to do, admittedly) on the phone, just about every night.  One night, my friend was complaining about school and life, and I knew I was falling asleep. But I kept listening. And I closed my eyes and started to dream.

In this dream, I had a giant chocolate cat, like them choco bunnies, except cat. It was quite large. And part of my brain knew I needed to be awake, since it was a friend in need. It knew I was on the phone. But the dream,... it was just me and that chocolate cat in my hands. And it looked delicious. I had to share. So I decided then to blurt out mid-convo: "Hey, you want a bite of my chocolate cat? You can bite it's ear. It won't mind," in the most non-dramatic mellow manner possible.

My friend busted out laughing so hard that it woke me right up. I knew I did something silly but wasn't sure what it was. There was something about a chocolate cat, but I couldn't have said what I thought. Could I have? Said friend repeated what I said, confirming my suspicious. All I could admit was that it looked delicious! After all, who doesn't love chocolate!

...This, among some other reasons, may be why I don't talk on the phone so much anymore.


You know, it's not just me. Most people do tend to sleep talk, if you catch them at the right time.  For instance, my sister...

My sister doesn't live with me currently, but when she comes home, we spend a lot of time together. The last time she was home, we were watching some shows on my computer, and she was laying on the spare mattress. She started to fall asleep, and decided to call it a night and pass out on said mattress. Of course, she had to let me know (as usual!) that she loved me and that she was going to bed.  This is what followed, with my facial reactions as emotes:

Her: "OK, I can't stay up. I'm going to bed, love you."
Me: "Mmmkay, sweet dreams."
Her: "Thanks, gnight." 

She passes out. I keep watching the show. About half an episode later...
Her: "OK, I'm tired. Gnight, love you."
Me: "................mmkay, gnight again lol."

One full episode later, she rolls over.
Her: "OK, gnight, don't stay up too late." (that last bit was mumbled and sounded more like "dunstayuhtoolay")
Me: "...." o_O?

At this point I am not sure whether or not she's sleeping or she's awake and secretly watching the show too. So every once in a while, I'll look behind me to see if she's asleep. Her head is under the covers.

Another episode or so later, she rolls over again.
Her: "OK, gnight."
Me: "............." >___> (really, this is the best emote for situations like this!)

And when I finish watching the show, she rolls over YET AGAIN.
Her: "OK, gnight."
Me: ".....LOL, gnight to you too."  ^_^;

Now, you might be thinking, "Why is she saying OK gnight as opposed to just gnight?" The answer is simple. Just imagine saying it in an exhausted voice while exhaling/sighing at the same time, half slurring and mumbling the words together. It's exactly like that. It only works if you say it with "OK" at the beginning.

Needless to say, she did not recall ever doing this in the morning. And we must have laughed about it for hours. Good times.

Note to future self: ...
Note to near-future self: ...

To you.

To you, who will never read this blog. I think about you constantly. I miss you. I miss spending time with you. I miss our talks and our crazy fun we used to have.  I wonder what happened. You've moved on so nicely. I wish I could.  Maybe you'll think of me and smile.

To you, who might not read this blog. You made me face myself. I wish it were something better. Maybe this is better.

To you, who I've known for years. I feel us drifting apart. Are we? You've got your life you've got to lead. So do I. Maybe that's just how it's gotta be.

To you, who I've never met. You sit on the other side of the screen, and we talk. And we've always talked. Will we ever meet? Maybe one day we will.

To you, who understood me. I don't see you anymore. I wonder how you're doing and if we could ever get those days back. But that won't happen will it?  Maybe I'll see you again.

To you, who reached out. You tried to break down my wall in your own way. I noticed. Maybe I'll let you in.

To you, who changed me. Your words resonated with me. I want you in my life again. I need to hear those words again. Maybe you'll say them again.

To you, who helped rebuild this bridge. You did something I wasn't expecting.  This single act of kindness, I don't want to forget it. Maybe forever.

To you, who is a whirlwind. I want the best to happen to you. You're a good person. You deserve the best. You brought light into my life. Maybe it will come back.

Some of you I still talk to, some of you I don't. I can't say these things to your faces. I want to do a lot of things over.

To you, I miss you.
To you, I love you.

Note to future self: Let people know before it's too late.
Note to near-future self: Maybe I'll get a second chance.

[edit: 2/17/11 added a couple of new ones. i may continue to add to this list if there needs to be one]

And for once, silence.

I am surprised. I wasn't expecting this at all. I have nothing on my mind!!

There are probably causes for this. One of them being that I just spent all day thinking about this paper for my history class. It's not the best written thing, but I got all the ideas down, concisely. After all, it was a summary. So it was only about 10 pages instead of 15. I blame my font settings!  But it is written and turned in and I don't care about the outcome. It is history anyway.  No more Robespierre or Napoleon avait cinq cent soldats!

The other is that I have been talking to people a lot. And that's helping my brain cope. It's kind of exhausting to talk to people!! Ehh.

In other news, I'm still playing And Yet It Moves. I'm quite addicted to it. So much so that when I look at my screen, I want to flip it over. >__> Haha.

That's really all that I have to say for today. Things in my head have simmered down, so I'm going to take the time and enjoy as much of it as I can.  Tomorrow, I have other homework I must finish. I will probably do both homework assignments so that I am a day ahead of myself. Yes, that sounds great.

Weeeeeeee, I'm spinning the blog post!! ROUND AND ROUND IT GOES.

Note to future self: Work on your typing skills. They are horrible.
Note to near-future self: Don't play so much at once. Mine eyes! They spin! It'll get me dizzy!!

Two Mac Games - A Review

Remember how the other day I wrote about some Dangerous things? Like buying games from the Mac App store?

Well, here is the "first look" review of the 2 games I bought. The price for both was $5.99 ish. I think they were both 1/2 off since they were featured on the top 10 most downloaded games? So normally they go for about $10-12.

I will rate them in the following categories: Graphics, Sound, Playability (Ease of play, like is it a huge learning curve?), Difficulty, Durability (Will I play it over and over again, like Chrono Trigger?), and Overall. I haven't gotten very far in either game, but first impressions go a long way with me.

BRAID - Sidescroller game, much like Super Mario. But with a twist -- like a Braid!  There are even little homages to Mario and Princess.  The story (and therefore game mechanics) are brilliant. Story is about Tim  and his search for his ex, the Princess. It starts off saying how Tim made some major mistakes in his life, and oh, how wonderful it would be if we could do them over again, but instead learn from them rather than settle with the consequences and results of our actions (Yeah, how I wish this were true!)  Basic game mechanics were of Super Mario Bros, but you don't die. Remember, how wonderful it would be if we could do our mistakes over? Right. We can "reverse" time so as not to fall into the pit of spikes or run into the rabid daisy-rabbits. Brilliant! Also, it is a puzzle game so you must figure out how to beat the level / pick up the puzzle pieces.

Graphics: 8 out of 10.  The world is reminiscent of the Impressionist / Post-Impressionist era, as if the images themselves were from the canvases of Monet, Renoir, or Cezanne.  If you don't understand what I mean, basically, the world looks like it was literally painted. The main character, Tim, is a bit creepy looking, admittedly. I'm not sure if I like a suited up short squat dude running around. Then again, Mario was a short squat plumber.

Sound: 7 out of 10. The music is very relaxing, even though you might be running from rabid daisy-rabbits. Maybe I was looking for something a bit more up-tempo. But I guess this isn't that kind of game. It's not very complicated game music either. It does not impede or distract from the game play at all.  The sound effects of things "dying" are cute though.

Playability: 7 out of 10. As in it's kind of got a learning curve to it. OK, maybe I'm dumb, but it took me a bit to get used to the game mechanics of hitting spacebar to jump and shift to reverse time, because I kept time-shifting when I wanted to jump. Annoying. I'm sure I can change game keys in options but I haven't bothered. Also, using time-shifts to solve puzzles? Brilliant! Also, you don't really ever use your mouse, which is great for laptop users (I am not one of them).

Difficulty: 8 out of 10. Again, it is probably because I'm not too smart, but I just can't seem to figure out how to solve half these puzzles! Luckily, they don't hate you, so you can clear a board without issues and get to the next level. Still. PUZZLES ARE HARD. Oh, also as an added bonus, when you collect the puzzle pieces, you get to put that together for an "in the life of" image. Not sure what that does tho.

Durability: 5 out of 10. For me, the harder the puzzle, the less likely I am going to play it. I still try it, but it's very frustrating. Maybe that's why the music is so mellow. Still. It is no Chrono Trigger (a game I could play over and over again). The easier boards are fun to play though.

Overall: 7.5 out of 10.  Like I said, great graphics, mellow music to calm your frustrations. Homages to the Mario Bros franchise. Brilliant game mechanics. Just the puzzles are a bit too complicated for my slow brain.

And Yet It Moves - A physics-based sidescroller-like game with no storyline. Just get from point A to point B.  Basis of this is physics. You can rotate the world clockwise or counterclockwise, and your character is affected by that world. So if you spin the world, your ground is now the ceiling, or the wall is now the ground, and if there was no ceiling before, then you are falling. You can die in this game, mostly if rocks fall and crush you or the fall is too great RIPPED TO SHREDS. Physics! See, it is fun! Luckily the game lets you redo the segment from the last nearest checkpoint you touched. (edit: 2/15/11)

Graphics: 7 out of 10. Actually, the character doesn't look great (a 6 of 10),  but the world looks like pieces of paper were wrinkled up and torn/frayed. That part gets an 8. So, the average is 7. You start off in a cave, so it explains the drab colours. But now it looks like I've gotten outside, so the frayed paper pieces look like a jungle.

Sound: 5 out of 10. There is some music playing, but it's nothing to write home about. At least they put something in. More than likely this will be a game where I put my own music on and play.  The sound of you breaking apart is kinda nifty.

Playability:  6 out of 10. Definitely a learning curve for me. It forces me to think about my left and right's and clockwise/counterclockwise movements.  It puts movement via ASDW keys and world-flipping on the arrow-keys, which seems kind of backwards for me. I'm used to the arrow keys for movement, but maybe that's just me. I think as I get used to the game, playability will be reduced to a lower number.  Also another keyboard game for those silly laptop users.

Difficulty: 7 out of 10. Admittedly if you have a good grasp of physics and momentum, it starts off super easy.  It's pretty intuitive and simple to play. The levels do increase in difficulty, making you spin the world faster and faster and making sure you don't "fall" too fast either. The "enemies" you face aren't limited to just rocks. But you need to use what you have around you to clear the section / board. Yes this means bats can take out an iguana!

Durability: 9 out of 10. I can see me playing this game whenever, because there is an option for speedruns and posting how well you've done. Nothing like a bit of online competition, I guess. The fact that there is no story line also helps with the game lasting for a long time.

Overall: 8 out of 10. This game had a much larger range of scores, but I think I like the mechanics of this game much better than Braid.  It has the potential to get really frustrating, but with more practice, this should easily diminish.

I may add screen caps of the two games when I figure out how to.
EDIT: I FIGURED IT OUT. NICE.

Note to future self: What do you do best?
Note to near-future self: Get a job.